Milestones
Milestones are days and events that we hold in our minds and in our hearts as special or memorable. Some milestones are celebratory because of the rich history and memories that have been passed down to us for hundreds and even thousands of years. Some are given to us as a part of our personal life experiences. We celebrate our birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. We rejoice when our babies crawl for the first time, when they take their first steps and when they say their first word. These are all milestones that we remember and celebrate with immense joy.
March holds many of these milestones for me. March has been a month of celebration in my life for quite some time. Eric and I were married on March 12, 2011. His birthday was March 16, 1987. Our twins were born on March 8, 2017. Each were great memories that brought excitement into our little family. My heart pauses to think about all of the milestones in my life that I’ll have to face as I seek to move forward. I’m aware that in grief, these dates and these times of what used to bring such great joy, are now being filtered through the pain of heartache and loss. In knowing this, I have prepared as much as I can for these “firsts”. However, watching my two little ones open their gifts on the morning of their 2nd birthday without their daddy there, brought tears to my eyes. As I saw the excitement in their little faces, I couldn’t help but see Eric’s face mirroring those exact expressions. “He’s missing it,” seems to play over and over in my mind as each new milestone passes. March looks vastly different now. The “new” March is now a month that brings a myriad of anxious emotions. It is not a month I dislike, but one that will bring feelings of conflict, as I balance the happiness of the good, interlaced with feelings of sadness as well.
If you didn’t know this about me, I absolutely love to study the Old Testament. There is so much richness in the old law and how God used it to bring the gospel in its full glory … Some of the Hebrew rituals and sacraments fascinate me. One particular practice that always gets my attention is the one where the Israelites built monuments or memorials. You can see an example of this in Joshua 4:5-7.
Joshua used stones to help God’s people remember His goodness. After wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, the Israelites experienced the power of God as He rolled back the waters of the Jordan River, allowing them to cross over and take possession of the Promised Land. Joshua then commanded them to build a memorial of stones as a public testimony of what the Lord had done for them. These stones would serve as a reminder that God did something miraculous in that exact place and in that exact moment. That way, if anyone passed it or if they happen to come back to it, they could remember the event and praise the God who did something great for them.
I envision these dates, these “firsts”, these milestones in grief in the same way that I view these memorials in Scripture. They provide a visual picture that God did something great on these dates in history. What a beautiful day it was when a little boy named Eric Thomas was born into this world. What a memorable day it was when I saw the face of a man who loved me watching me walk down the aisle as the sunlight gleamed through the stain glassed windows. And, what a miraculous day it was when the loud and healthy cries of our incredible miracle babies resounded down the hallways from that small hospital room. All of these days, though difficult to face as we move forward, will provide comfort in knowing that the Lord did something really BIG, really powerful, and genuinely life-changing.
So, on these milestone days, I will build my memorial stones, just as the stones were placed in the Jordan River by God’s people. I will look at them and be reminiscent that God did something extraordinary here. And in the future years ahead, I will look back and remember that our omniscient Father gave me these precious memories, even if they were just for a short time. I will hold the vision, the smells, the sounds, and feelings in my mind and in my heart, and I will praise the God who gives and takes away. I will acclaim the One who continues to provide everything we need. And though these days will look different now, I will look back on those memories and know that they will always be special.
There are so many people hurting--so many, like me, who are in the place of suffering and grief. Grief is a process that we move through, not something that we move past. It is a passage that we must take on and journey with. As the Israelites (who experienced great suffering) stopped, praised God, and built memorials to remember His great miracle, so shall we.
To those who hurt on your milestone days, let me say that we are in this together. The day we lost someone so unexpectedly, maybe to cancer or sickness, maybe to a suicide, to a car accident, to divorce, to a fight or failure--we all carry that pain. I recognize both the agony of looking back and the fear of looking forward. May we remember together that God gave us these milestone days as reminders--not just to remind us of our loss, but to remind us of our joys. These days will serve as a purpose to think of those we love and those we once had beside us. May we honor them, even in our grief. Let us cry, hurt and mourn, but also let us rejoice with the knowledge that our loved ones are in the very place that they were made for.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE reach out to someone and continue reaching out. I can guarantee you that you are not alone. We are all broken, and it’s ok. It’s what we do with our brokenness. Stand on truth. “You ARE a person of worth because of what Jesus says, not because of what society labels you.” (Eric Garland) Share your story, keep fighting and do not give up
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org